new things i have learned ...

by shadows

February 18, 2002

in this new way of looking at life
it is new but i am realizing....
that it is not always inside stuff now
and that things are indeed not always what they seem
and though my life is so important, others are of equal or greater value and worth
and sometimes i see things wrong
with my flawed perspective
and when things are wrong
is not always what i think
is sometimes just what i THINK i think
and is sometimes just not the way things are
and sometimes things really are not mine to control
or manipulate
or change
i do not always have that power
though is always in my power to pray
and hope
and care
i cannot change the world
but i can change how i react and see it
and i now walk this fine line
this balance wire
with Jesus as my net
and i will occasionally stumble
and hurt
and cry and look in the wrong direction
and see things altogether wrong
but He is always there to catch me
as He has done my whole life
its just that the rules have changed
and things are outward now
instead of inward
life changes
found my first few grey hairs yesterday
FIRST
and i wonder now
if this truly means i am catching up?
or may be GROWING UP?
what a scary thought......sigh
but then again when i think about it....
it will be nice
to see the world through the eyes of a grown up person
an older wiser one
who knows what is real
and warm and right
and what is not
life changes
and i must now change with it
and no longer linger in time
as a lost child...in never-never land
cause i have regained my marbles, so to speak
and though there will always be a fairy-tale safe place in my heart for myself to be and dream,
i am now part of the outside place
i am real
like the velveteen rabbit
and i think i like it

shadows just rambling