A poem with memories

by just nobody now

Trigger Warning

October 9, 2001

Dreams come and rest goes
As these terrifying memories flow.
Memories buried deep inside -
I couldn't feel, I couldn't cry.
Flashback time when I was small,
I needed help, no one to call.
Relive it now, it's not the same,
But still right now, I feel the pain.
Those memories buried far away,
Now they're surfacing today.
Not just a picture in a frame,
It's a motion picture complete with pain.
Only it's not a movie, it's not pretend.
It really happened, again and again and again.
I cannot breathe, I can't get free,
It doesn't matter what happens to me.
I can't get free, I can't escape -
And then it was just too late.
Stuff it down and stuff it deep
In the darkness this will keep.
Kill myself for I'm to blame -
Kill myself - remove all pain.
Cycle starts and cycle ends
No one on whom I can depend.
A child cries, needing to be comforted
A child cried and now is dead.
Hold that child, hold her tight
Will anything ever be all right?
Patterns made and patterns lived
Now I've nothing left to give.
Abuse and rape, pain and loss
Choices mine, I pay the cost.
So child feels pain and doesn't cry,
No safety, no comfort, she just wants to die.